New Girl (S05e04): “No Girl”

Review: Previously on New Girl… Jess is sequestered at jury duty for at least a month (because Zooey Deschanel was very very pregnant at this point) and the rest of the gang is lost without her! When Nick discovers that their rich friend from college, Tod (who Nick hates, and who one time invited one of the members of The Black Eyed Peas to hang out “just because he’d look cool”), intends to pay all the expenses for Schmidt’s bachelor party and take him to Vegass (yes Vegass, with TWO s’s), Nick isn’t on board at all. He one ups Todd by claiming he’ll take Schmidt to Tokio… only to realize that Tokio costs money. Nick turns the loft into an air b-n-b, renting out all the rooms to strangers.

Throughout the episode, we’re introduced to a novelist who just *has* to break glasses, a family with a daughter who does Pacino monologues and a hot Japanese girl. When Nick goes to fix the shower for Kumiko, he ends up having sex with her, which leads to one unfortunate problem… Nick still has to charge her for the room. But not to worry, Kumiko is totally understanding of Nick’s sidejob as a prostitute and is more than willing to accommodate him. Realizing the error of their ways, Nick and Schmidt turn to Todd. Todd agrees to pay for the party… IF he can slap one of Nick’s nuts. Nick, being the dedicated best man that he is, agrees, but Schmidt can’t watch him go through such pain. Nick and Schmidt bond and agree to figure something else out instead. No bachelor party is worth a nut slap!

The B-plot involves Winston and CeCe. Winston, having dated KC for four months (and getting as far as to see one, yes one, not two, of KC’s breasts), gets upset when KC posts a picture on Instagram with a “work friend”. When CeCe suggests they do the same in an attempt to make KC jealous, KC ends up breaking up with Winston. Winnie the bish, tired of always crying over girls, decides that the best course of action is to make KC regret her decision. CeCe reluctantly agrees to help him out, going to KC’s house to let her know Winston got hit by a truck, thinking of her. KC’s “work friend” tries to comfort her and it is then that CeCe figures out that KC’s work friend is definitely not just that. Just then, Winston makes an appearance, scaring the living crap out of KC when she discovers Winston isn’t so dead after all. Winston and CeCe leave KC and her work friend to themselves, and Winston decides that he’s done crying over girls. From now on, he’ll make sure it’s the other way around. Haah! But, like CeCe says, THIS SHOULD NOT BE THE GOAL, WINSTON.