New Girl: (S05E05) “Bob & Carol & Nick & Schmidt”

Review: Nick is having a baby… with his cousin! Or, that’s the idea. When Nick’s cousin and his wife come to Los Angeles for a visit, Nick is convinced that they’re there to ask him for money. After all, Nick of all people, is the richest Miller in the family, with him even having a savings account… 

And Nick is right; his cousins do want something of value to him. Bob and Carol want nothing more than his sperm. Now that they’ve found out they can’t conceive a new Miller generation on their own, they’ve decided that they want Nick to deliver the goods and help them out. Nick is very excited about this, as this might be the only way he’ll get to have a kid. Schmidt, however, is not. You see, Schmidt-y feels as though Nick’s sperm is also partially his. And Nick having a baby with his cousin(‘s wife) simply does not fit into his Nick Miller Life Plan. I mean, he even made a spreadsheet and everything and in his mind, Nick will eventually impregnate a tiny Italian woman called Maria.

When Schmidt finally gets on board and excited about another little Nick Miller running around, Nick donates his sperm at the sperm bank. But when it turns out that Bob and Carol can’t actually afford the procedure, there’s only one way out (or in): Nick has to donate his sperm the natural way. Schmidt, Bob and Carol pressure Nick into having sex with his cousin(‘s wife) – which totally isn’t creepy or disturbing – but it ends up being too much for Nick. Nick just can’t do it. So, in the end, Bob & Carol decide to go with their other cousin, one-armed Terry. But it’s ok y’all, it’s the result of an accident, not genetic! I think Bob & Carol will be just fine. 

CeCe and Winston, meanwhile, are at the bridal shop looking for a dress for CeCe & Schmidt’s June wedding (there are just too many flies in August). They get drunk and pick a very very charming dress for CeCe… until they sober up and realize that it’s hideous. For one, it has mirrors and a battery pack so that it can light up at just the right time. CeCe is mortified, even more so when she’s forced to keep it due to the shop’s no return policy. Winston uses his cop leverage to try to help, but to no avail. However, Winston’s determination to make things right, convinces CeCe that Winston would make a perfect bridesmaid. Winnie the Bish is very excited!

Finally, the end credits shows us the gang outside of Jess’s hotel. The short glimpse we get of Jess (or someone who really looks like her with some very convenient signs to hide her face) reassures us that it’s not the end of the world for CeCe’s dress. Jess, being Jess, can absolutely fix it. All is well with the world!