New Girl (S05E13): “Sam, Again”

Review: When Jess applies for a job at the most progressive school in LA – seriously, they have a “feelings farm” – she immediately gets hired on a trial basis. But when the principal introduces Jess to her boyfriend, Jess worries that the trial period will soon come to an end. The principal’s boyfriend? Jess’s ex, tall and handsome doctor Sam (now heavily bearded!), who throat punched Nick when he dared to kiss Jess. 

Because Jess feels like she’d be a perfect fit at the new school, she just can’t let it go. She goes to Sam’s house with homemade Kansas cornbread. But when she gets there, Sam’s just finished a round of “defusing” the principal “like a bomb” and the principal isn’t so sure anymore if she wants Jess to work at the school. Jess tries to convince her to give her another chance. 

Sam and Jess explain their relationship to the principal, which Sam describes as Jess “climbing the wall (around his heart) many, many times. Couldn’t stop climbing.”. That is, until Jess “invited another climber (Nick) to lick her toehold.” And Sam still isn’t over that, because Nick – obviously – never apologized. 

So what do they do? Head over to the loft, of course, where Nick is quarantined due to a cold (see below). Sam confronts Nick, who non-apologizes for kissing Jess while they were together. Really, it’s nowhere near an actual apology. Sam feels the same way and when Nick comments on his cool beard one too many times, he throat punches Nick AGAIN. This violent outburst proves to be too much for the principal, but Jess saves the day with a “Feelings farm” at the loft. It works. Sort of. Nick isn’t sorry at all, because Jess wanted to kiss him back then and they fell in love. Sam has a nervous breakdown over his new bearded, hippy identity. The principal is so happy to finally meet the real Sam that she also dumps him… And hires Jess!  

The others spend this week being quarantined at the loft, because Schmidt has a big presentation to prepare for and getting sick at his job is pretty much a death sentence. Nick is the first to get a cold, followed by Cece, and then Winston also joins them. Sort of. When Schmidt tries to give Winston some advice on how to get back into the dating game for his first coffee date after Ally broke his heart, he ends up freaking Winston out so much that he fakes a cold just so he won’t have to leave the loft. 

However, Cece and Nick, who have found a puppet show to entertain them until the end of time, talk some sense into Winston: No one is going to be Ally and Winston simply has to give other people a chance, too. And this is where it gets fun! As Schmidt is in the living room preparing for his presentation, Winston tries to escape without Schmidt noticing. He literally crawls over the floor and ends up *sneezing* on Schmidt’s tablet before managing to escape unnoticed. Winston’s date is fun and his date is cute and it looks like he’ll be just fine post-Ally. 

But you know who won’t be? Schmidt. Winston’s little sneeze ended up causing some kind of sneezing fit right in the middle of Schmidt’s presentation and he ends up as sick as the rest of them! Totally could have seen that one coming! 

In the end, Jess goes to Sam’s house with chocolate brownies – which she earlier deemed to be too sexual – even though she’s the last person Sam wants to see. Which he demonstrates by completely destroying her brownies with a straight face!