New Girl (S05E14): “300 Feet”

Review: Previously on New Girl, Jess reconnected with her old boyfriend Sam, the hunky tall doctor she dated before Nick. Sort of. She got his new girlfriend to dump him and then he destroyed Jess’s homemade brownies.

This week, Jess can’t stop thinking about Sam and how she wants to make things right. She tries just about everything to get in touch with him, but it completely backfires when Sam gets a restraining order, ordering Jess to stay at least 300 feet away from him. But, being Jess, not even a restraining order can stop her from trying to convince Sam she’s not crazy. She writes him a letter and when she goes to deliver it at the hospital where he works, she somehow ends up in the back of his pick-up truck! After a disastrous ride through the car wash while Sam’s singing Selena Gomez’s greatest hits, Sam discovers her on the windshield of his car. Yes, really. 

Sam ends up driving Jess home, but when Jess gets in his nerves a little too much, he stops right in the middle of the trip back to the loft to call her a cab. For Jess, this is the perfect moment to explain how she feels. She tells Sam that she’s not the girl he used to know an that she’s grown a lot and that maybe the restraining order was a good thing, because ever since she saw him again, she can’t stop thinking about him. And then, they make out. Haah. But when they get back to the loft, ready to turn that make out session into something more, Winston (and his Cop Face!) interrupts them and tries to talk some sense into them. 

And it works. For a hot minute. Sam agrees that the restraining order was a good idea, because he also couldn’t stop thinking about Jess. And maybe she’s changed, but he hasn’t, and he needs time. He leaves and it takes about a minute before Jess realizes that she can’t just let him walk out like that! And, so, Jess catches up with him, just as he’s already driving off. And they make out some more. Guess they’re back together! Fun! I actually liked them together the first time around, hopefully there’s a different ending to their relationship this time. 

Nick, Schmidt and Cece are busy with a work-related plot this week. And busy with Busy Philipps, who’s guest starring this week as the owner of a fad bar, “Presh”, down the street with the kind of valet parking Schmidt so deeply desires. When they discover that the other bar’s valet is taking all the parking spots, they go to Presh to confront the owner. Schmidt falls in love with Presh, as it seems to be everything their own bar is not. 

Determined to compete with Presh, Schmidt buys supplies to improve their own bar. Minor tweaks, like a toilet that doesn’t flush upwards. Yes, really. Nick, however, thinks that instead of improving their own bar, they should focus on ruining the other bar. Smart, that Nick guy. 

Their plan, of course, completely backfires and they end up making the situation worse by putting a fish in Presh’s air vent. Busy Philipps is not happy about this and vows to destroy them. Soon. And unexpectedly. This freaks them out and affects them so much that they run all their customers out of their bar. When Schmidt confronts Nick about it, they argue and Nick decides that he’s probably better off alone. He calls a meeting with the “family”, i.e. all the bar owners, which ends up being him, a guy who loves spaghetti, Cece and Busy Philipps. The meeting goes about as well as to be expected with Nick. But Schmidt saves the day and they make out. Or they might as well have. The love is very strong. Cece agrees. Nick introduces valet parking for their own bar, thereby improving it just a little. Baby steps, as Schmidt cries tears of joy.