New Girl (S06E01): "House Hunt"

 
Review: Previously on New Girl… Lots of stuff happened! Schmidt and Cece FINALLY tied the knot at the loft after Schmidt couldn’t make it to their actual wedding, Winston loves Aly and Aly loves Winston, and hunky doctor Sam broke up with Jess but that’s okay because Jess really wants Nick but Nick joined Reagan in New Orleans for the summer. Bummer.  
The next step for Cece & Schmidt? Their own place of course. It’s time for them to move out of the loft and move in to something without three other people, their revolving door of love interests and a cat named Ferguson.
The first of these three people, Jessica Day, has a new hobby. Or a thousand new hobbies. Like urban corn harvesting, wood turning, learning Portuguese and getting ripped at the gym. Why? To take her mind off Nick, of course. Jess is moving forward. She even inserts herself into Cece & Schmidt’s house hunting adventure, promptly taking over and getting on Schmidt’s nerves.
Winston, meanwhile, is forced to try being in a long-distance relationship, when Aly has to spend two months training for the FBI. She’s asked Winston to look out for her little sister, Leslie, and Winston, being the precious guy that he is, has enlisted her to help Cece and Schmidt find their dream home. Leslie is a real estate agent. Sort of. Leslie… Is not that great at her job, which to her entails googling “house” and seeing what comes up. It doesn’t take long for Jess to inform Winston that Leslie has to go.
Winston, who struggles to fire her as he can’t have his girlfriend’s sister hating him, ends up hiring Leslie himself. As a real estate agent. Because apparently Winston is also looking for a new place. Not really. But Leslie gets to work immediately and finds a house that lives up to Winston’s expectations. The most important one being that it can float. Like a boat. It’s a boat. Leslie found him a boat. Somehow, this is not the first time Winston has ended up buying one.  
Additionally, when Cece and Schmidt (and Jess!) find their dream house, they discover that buying a house isn’t as easy as it seems. You see, houses cost money and they often involve a bank and a huge debt. But Schmidt’s convinced they’ll be fine if they use your money wisely by packing lunches and cutting out “cup-ons” – which is Schmidt-ian English for coupons. So long as they’re in this together. And that does not involve Jess.
Cece asks Jess to stop inserting herself into their house hunting to keep her mind off Nick. Jess realizes she’s right and Cece and Schmidt head to the bank, as Jess goes back to the loft to get over Nick. Only to find Nick at the loft, as he’s returned from New Orleans much earlier than expected. ‘Does this mean trouble in paradise?’, Jess wonders. On the contrary. Reagan is now working in Seattle, close enough to give this long-distance thing a try. Jess is obviously very psyched about this. Even more so when Nick announces to her that he has something very important to tell her. Jess is sufficiently freaked out by this and practically runs away, heading to the bank to insert herself into Cece and Schmidt’s marriage some more.
At the bank, Schmidt is not pleased to see Jess. Jess assures him that she’s not there to interfere with their loan and admits that it’s an emergency of the Nick-kind. This makes Schmidt a bit more understanding. Jess explains that she can’t be around Nick and doesn’t want to ruin their friendship. And Schmidt gets it. So much so that he immediately tells Jess to leave because Nick is on his way to the bank to help him and Cece get a loan by putting the bar up for collateral. In typical comedic fashion, there’s no time for Jess to leave, as that’s when Nick arrives.
Cece and Schmidt manage to keep Nick so distracted that he doesn’t even notice Jess and it goes smoothly. Nick becomes the co-signer and after he leaves, Jess realizes that she has to deal with Nick on her own.
Back at the loft, Winston tells Aly via facetime about his new boat and informs his girlfriend that her sister is an idiot in very colorful terms:
“She’s… dumb. That girl is the trunk of a tree. Ain’t nobody at home up here. She a cotton-head. This girl is a dumped-out sewing kit. She talkin’ but ain’t nobody listening.”
Yes, Winston wins “quote of the year”! Fortunately for him, Aly’s not too upset about it, as she’s known her sister her entire life. And she doesn’t want them being long-distance to get in the way of them being real with each other. Even about the word ‘pinache’, as Winston doesn’t know what that means. But they agree to always tell each other everything and it’s really cute and I really hope the New Girl writers can keep Nasim Pedrad on the show permanently.
After they hang up on each other, Winston notices Jess in front of Nick’s door, hesitant to go in. Jess tells him about her feelings for Nick and it might be a bit more than Winston can handle. But he helps her break the ice with Nick. When he leaves them alone, Nick finally tells her that important thing: he’s finished his first novel! Finally! Nick Miller, the author! And here’s the kicker: he’s dedicated it to Anthony Rizzo and the Chicago Cubs for all they’ve been through! How sweet! And to Jess. For all that they’ve been through. Awww, this would be great if I shipped them.
Next, Cece and Schmidt come barging in to announce they got the house! Not their dream house though, but a fixer upper with a fireplace and maybe not a dream house but definitely with the makings of a dream home. And so it begins!