Family Guy returns for the 2nd half of 16 seasons. 16! Tonight, I’m reminded how old Brian is & that he’s still a Dog!
Brian’s story begins @ the Vet. Cool; he is still a dog. The night before, he over indulged in alcohol and chocolates. The latter will kill him or make him so sick he wishes he were dead.
He was attempting to entertain himself, because It was Valentine’s Day in Quahog & he was all alone. Peter finds him, lying in his vomit & passed out.
Sidebar: Brian is an alcoholic, that’s been established . Chocolate has the same chemical make up as alcohol, I’m told. So…he’s always drunk?
Anyway, everyone is excited (where’s Meg?) sharing their plans of romance & candy treats. The latter brings Chris’ story to light. We’ll not spend a lot of time on it (they didn’t)
Chris, squeals with delight! It’s Valentine’s Day & the return of Arthur Valentine. 💘 He comes every year like Santa, the Easter Bunny & the Cat in the Hat. He’s the proverbial “Candy Man” made up by Peter & Lois to soothe the pains of childhood. #skilledparenting
It seems when Chris was in Elementary School, he didnt get any “Be My Valentine” cards. He cried. So his loving parents made up, Arthur Valentine! It was a good thing @ the time, but Chris still believes in him; relentlessly. So his parents killed Arthur V; by hit & run, right in front of Chris’ eyes! #skilledparenting & problem solved…NOT.
Back at the vet: Brian’s stomach is pumped, played to the live piano 🎹 music of Billy Joel. His words, much like Sting’s cannot be decifered. Why is he there?
It’s here, Brian meets Ellie, the beauty queen show dog. Methinks, she’s a poodle. She gives him her card. They date, in Brian’s mind first, then go to the museum. She likes him. He likes her & her perfectly coiffered anus!
They’re enamored with each other; like Ronnie & Nancy Reagan. He adored her “don’t care about the AIDS virus” & her unsuccessful approach to the drug crises in America #sarcasm #justsayno #sethcarpet
But although she loves the 💩 on his breath, they cannot kiss nor engage in doggy style coitus. That is reserved for the winner of the Dog Show. It’s all down in the contracts, “H” & such.
Undaunted; Brian immediately prepares to compete. He runs home to his “go to guy” Stewie. It’s competitive, but he’s going for the chance to be the top dog …on top of Ellie!
And Brian’s great; he goes to the top & wins! Yet because he’s been westernized & doing women, instead of dogs, he couldn’t get it on, nor up!
Sidebar: Beastality! 😨 ‘right over my head for years, you too?!
The judges, lifted Ellie’s tail & invited him to go in. To maintain the integrity of the contract, the dogs have to do it in front of the judges, as guarantee. #read the fine print.🔎✏
Time’s up; Max, the Boxer & runner up, replaced him. He imnediately gets busy. Brian stands there , wide eyed. #disbelief
Between thrusts, Ellie promises she’ll never forget him & she’ll name one of the pups, after him, out of the ones Max doesn’t eat. Hey, it’s a dog eat dog world! Welcome to the Animal Kingdom!🐶
Family Guy airs, Sunday Nights @ 9:00 p.m. Pacific Time
‘Not one of my favs, but it had its moments ☆☆☆/5