Previously on Wynonna Earp…
Widow Mercedes (Dani Kind) burned the Stone Witch’s head. Nicole (Katherine Barrell) threw Bulshar’s ring in the woods, it returned and Doc (Tim Rozon) took it, but he’s a vampire so he gave it back to Wynonna Earp (Melanie Scrofano). Jeremy (Varun Saranga) found a unicorn: Park Ranger Robin (Justin Kelly). Kate (Chantel Riley) still loves Doc and made him a vampire. Wynonna hooked up with Charlie (Sebastian Pigott). Mama Earp (Megan Follows) left again to search for Julian. And in a devastating turn of events, Wynonna banned Doc from her home because he let Kate turn him into a vampire.
Purgatory Making those Love connections
Wynonna teaches Jeremy to play pool on the same table she gave birth. Wynonna Earp S3 is fantastic because it continues to pair up characters we haven’t really seen get some one-on-one buddy time. Wynonna reveals she no longer pulls the strings with Doc but if Jeremy wants to take a ride on that mustache, he certainly can. However, Jeremy’s now taken because he’s with Park Ranger Christopher Robin. But they’re strictly a text-based relationship because Purgatory has real-life monsters on top of people’s personal demons/baggage.
On the flip side, Wynonna’s love life progressed to ghosting the sexy fireman Charlie. She and her dignity try to hide behind the pool table, but Jeremy “helps” by calling Charlie over. Before Jeremy runs off, Wynonna hands him Bulshar’s ring so he can lock that sucker up. Spoiler alert folks! It’s a boomerang ring and it refuses to be caged.
Wynonna awkwardly greets Charlie but he gets it. She did say no strings. But with a surprising invitation, she asks him to dinner. Meanwhile, Bulshar (Jean Marchand) resurrects the headless Stone Witch but no worries, he has her severed burned head and reattaches it. He commands her to fetch, but fetch what? Wynonna? His ring?
Yo Doc, Friends are Not Food!
Doc barges in to Gardner house, looking for Kate. She has a gift for him: a fresh human meal. But Doc refuses. He refuses to be her mistress and he will hunt for himself. Doc leaves and Kate realizes that Bulshar knows her whereabouts. Douche bro/Doc’s meal wakes up and makes some snide remarks, which means he earns a quick straddle before becoming Kate’s meal.
Park Ranger Christopher Robin returns to his job in the woods after Murder Tree Lane and nasty Bulshar sludge. This guy seems to have a death wish, but we’ll get to that. In the mean time, he’s on the phone with Jeremy. Apparently Waverly is hosting a BGD: Big Gay Dinner. Which is my new favorite phrase and what all my future dinner parties will be referenced as. Can I just take a second to say how awesome this show is, especially in its queer representation? There’s two canon, queer couples and they’re having a dinner party/date night. This sort of content wasn’t on my TV growing up.
Anyways, Park Ranger Christopher Robin questions the Earp Curse and Jeremy laughs it off because he wants to keep his unicorn boyfriend safe from Purgatory’s monsters. Simultaneously, Doc hunts in the woods, vampire sense on red alert. Again, I love Park Ranger Robin but those woods have been nothing but trouble for you. Doc sprints out and attacks Robin while Jeremy screams for him on the other line.
But don’t worry, Doc doesn’t eat Park Ranger Christopher Robin. He returns him to Jeremy at BBD offices with blood all over his mustached mouth. Jeremy realizes Doc is a vampire. Doc’s defense is that Robin tastes like rancid earth, which is basically why he didn’t eat him. I’m a fan of Tim Rozon, but dammit Doc! Thankfully, Robin believes he was attacked by an albino squirrel so he continues to be in the dark.
Wynonna’s Ideal Date: Vamp STake Night
Meanwhile, Wynonna orders dinner with Charlie in Purgatory’s finest restaurant. Wynonna’s date look is amazing and Charlie doesn’t look half-bad. It’s all first date jitters with a side of “let’s not talk about my upbringing because I shot my father” and cool drink of “expecting a hot mess and getting a smart, beautiful sass mouth.” Jeremy interrupts their breadstick course to inform Wynonna about Doc’s vampire bite. Wynonna’s on it so date night transforms into stake night. She invites Charlie, who’s totally down to help with her troublesome vampire ex.
Wynonna lures Doc to Shorty’s via text, but she’s not there. Instead, Charlie is and he uses a rope soaked in holy water to trap Doc within its circle. Meanwhile, Wynonna pays a visit to Kate, who fires at her upon entrance. Back at the Homestead, BGD is in full force. Robin may have been bit but that won’t stop him from helping Waverly with potatoes. She’s a planner and she’s already behind schedule.
Wynonna confronts Kate about Doc’s bite and Kate amazingly retorts about why is the blame on her for Doc’s choices. But seriously, how often do we have to see women apologize for the poor choices men make? Anyways, Wynonna accuses Kate of seducing Doc like she did before, but actually Kate lied. Surprise, surprise! She blames Doc for her vampirism and then makes a great comment about how people have a habit of leaving people who look like her out of the official records. That’s the truth. History is written by the so-called winners.
Doctessa Flashback time!
Once upon a time, Kate’s family was from Europe. They were nobility. They came across, looking for freedom. Instead, they found Hell on Earth a.k.a. Purgatory, where both Kate’s parents would die shortly after their arrival. Kate decided to stay because her only other option is return to Hungary and her creepy Uncle Otto, who was a vampire. Instead, she used her talent of reading tarot cards but one evening, she met a man who she refused to read. The man demanded she did and Doc heroically stepped in. She offers Doc a drink for his help and he charmingly obliges while pocketing the mysterious man’s tarot card reading.
Of course, Wynonna scoffs at the picture-perfect hero Kate paints of Doc. At Shorty’s, Doc and Charlie have a d*ck measuring contest. But it doesn’t last long because the burnt Stone Witch shows up. Charlie mildly panics and Doc demands freedom. After Stone Witch rifles through a few items on a table, she moves towards a trapped Doc. Charlie tries to stop her, but he only manages to pull off her hand, which he turns into a weapon and slides across the room to free Doc. Doc punches her in the heart and across the room.
As they decide what to do with her, Doc tastes salt on his hand and realizes it’s the Stone Witch a.k.a. Constance Clootie a.k.a. the woman who gave him immortality the first time around and then threw him down a well. Doc orders Charlie to call Wynonna but she’s busy with Kate and ignores her ringing phone.
Say No to Shipper Wars But WynTessa, yeah?
Kate taunts her about not wanting to hear more stories of Doctessa but Wynonna says she can handle it as she continues to deny WynDoc was ever a thing. However, that won’t stop her from forcing Doc back into a normal human by killing Kate. But Kate ominously warns that nobody makes Doc doing anything; he makes you.
Cue flashback. Kate informs Doc she’s heading home back to Hungary. Her business and this life isn’t working here. They’ve been traveling through city after city, each one long forgotten, and Kate muses aloud if Doc will eventually forget her once she leaves. He kisses her like it’s some reassurance before he begins to cough as he’s a dying man.
Back in the present, Wynonna scolds her for leaving Doc behind. But to Kate, he had Wyatt and there was nothing she could do. Skillfully, Kate palms Peacemaker without any of us, including Wynonna, noticing. It’s incredibly impressive and a skill she learned from Doc. Wynonna retorts with a knife but Kate responds with a bigger dagger.
Potatoes & Proposals at Big Gay Dinner
At the BGD, Waverly and Robin chitchat and reminisce while peeling potatoes. Of course, it’s Purgatory so things get weird but in the best way. Like Robin asking existential questions about potatoes and dirt and murder trees. And then, in the promo picture I’ve sent my brothers and mom over a hundred times with no context, he LICKS the potato. #PotatoGate solved! I whooped and hollered and I’m sure my neighbors hate me for being so excited about a potato.
Meanwhile, in the dining room, Nicole preps the table while Jeremy rambles on nervously. She tries to reassure him but now he’s freaking about about Bulshar’s ring reappearing in her biscuit. Nicole drops it and when she kneels down to grab it, Waverly rushes in because potato incident. Which leads to this hilarious moment. Nicole’s on one knee, ring lifted in offering towards Waverly and her best deer in headlights look. Waverly clocks the kneel and ring and understandably believes Nicole is proposing. Her eyes water happily, she bounces excitedly, and can’t believe it’s actually happening. It’s adorable and Waverly clearly has marriage already on her mind but unfortunately Nicole breaks the truth to her: Bulshar’s ring re-appeared. Waverly shakes off her disappointment.
And then all their updates slip out. But most importantly, Robin licked a potato and Waverly’s freaking out over it. The door slams behind them as Robin took this moment to exit the Homestead in his weird, fugue state.
Stone Witch Is Up In Everybody’s Nonsense
Doc and Charlie bond over his good-sized trunk car as they prepare to throw the Stone Witch down the well. Unfortunately, they left said witch in the trunk where she got out and took off in the car while waving her ripped off hand with its middle finger raised. Back at the Homestead, the Unkillable Gay Squad search the barn for Robin where they find him shirtless, shoeless and muttering about fertilizing the soil.
At the Gardner House of Horrors, Kate and Wynonna circle each other in their knife standoff. However, the Stone Witch interrupts to rifle through Doc’s drawers. Resurrected Stone Witch clearly has no boundaries. But it does force Kate and Wynonna to work together. Meanwhile, Charlie and Doc run back to town but Doc needs blood and his control is dwindling. Instead, he allows Charlie to knock him out with a solid left hook.
Constance Clootie Crashes Another Waverly Earp Party
The Unkillable Gay Squad take this opportunity to question Robin as he’s connected to Bulshar and his murder trees. Apparently, Bulshar’s close. To what exactly? We don’t find out because Robin comes out of his hazy state and realizes he’s shirtless, shoeless, and fertilized the soil. He does reveal Bulshar is forcing the murder tree roots into his bidding, which makes them a little less murder-y. He knows this sounds crazy, but he’s in good company—Nicole survived a massacre, Waverly touched goo, and Jeremy survived a car crash where he was trapped with his mother’s body for 3 days.
Unfortunately, the mushy moment doesn’t last as Stone Witch appears to rifle through Doc’s stuff. Waverly’s pissed because this is the 2nd party Constance has crashed and it’s two too many. Waverly steps up and dodge-rolls from the witch. Unfortunately, Nicole’s “where you go, I go” mantra takes a literal sense when she follows Waverly but doesn’t dodge-roll in time as the Stone Witch throws her across the barn. Nicole may be unkillable but certainly a magnet to pain. Robin knows the Stone Witch is connected to Bulshar too and Jeremy attempts to protect his man, which means he throws a potato at her.
The Stone Witch pockets some cards, but she’s not amused. Bulshar’s ring decides to reject Nicole by burning her from her back pocket. Nicole tosses it and Waverly goes after to retrieve it. In a moment of poor choices, Waverly, whose experience consists of demon possession because she touched goo, decides to put on the demon ring. It fits which prompts the Stone Witch to attack, but with the ring, Waverly has a nifty super power where she punches the witch across the barn. The Stone Witch bolts while everyone stares shocked at Waverly. Robin wonders if this is a normal night for them, which Jeremy confirms. Honestly, Robin has no idea how wild this Earp curse can get. Nicole participated in a drinking contest with revenants and Wynonna the week prior and won.
Let’s Hope for a Lucky Hand
Waverly updates Wynonna about the Stone Witch and they realize she took 3 of Kate’s tarot cards, the same one’s Doc stole when they first met. Kate reveals those were Bulshar’s cards. He was the mysterious man. He was looking for one last item in the Ghost River Triangle but couldn’t find it. However, Kate refused to read his future. Like before, Doc steps in but this time around, Doc demands Bulshar leaves the cards behind. Kate never glanced at his future card, which she says could be their present.
Before Kate joins Wynonna to stop the Stone Witch, she informs Waverly to not underestimate the power of the ring. I’m all for Waverly with super powers, but that’s Bulshar’s ring and Bobo promised her to Bulshar as his bride. So it all makes me feel a little bit uneasy. Even more so when she tries to tug it off and it won’t.
In the Murder Woods, Stone Witch presents the tarot cards to Bulshar. He flips them over one-by-one until he reaches his future—the Towers card. Unfortunately, when Wynonna and Kate find Constance, it’s too late. She stands alone in the snow, unable to talk and a complete slave to Bulshar. She can’t help them as much as I’m sure she wants to. Wynonna raises up Peacemaker, but Constance grabs it, only to place it between the eyes.
Peacemaker and This Darn Earp Curse
The gun glows orange briefly but switches over to blue, which is the 3rd time it’s done this—1st was Willa and 2nd was Rosita in Waverly’s hands. I’m not sure if we’ll get answers this season in regards to Peacemaker’s color coding, but it seems to turn blue when the holder shows mercy/empathy towards its victim. Wynonna shot Willa to give her peace from her gun wound and the demon holding her. Waverly shot Rosita to protect Wynonna but she hadn’t wanted to as her and Rosita were friends. And now Wynonna shoots Constance to put her out of her misery.
Doc wakes up at Shorty’s and Charlie slides over a glass of O-negative blood he received from a paramedic buddy. I wondered how he explained that one. Charlie reveals he likes Wynonna but Doc is in love with her. Charlie reminds him that she hunts monsters like Doc, but Doc has hope that she’ll eventually understand his choice. It’s still a poor choice and it still feels selfish for a guy who declares that some other sexy fireman dude could never know her like Doc does.
The Deck May Be Stacked Against them
In the middle of the snowy wilderness, Kate reminds Wynonna that Bulshar is a demon and Wynonna is the best demon hunter she’s seen in a long time. Also, if Wynonna kills Kate, it won’t give Doc back his mortality so that’s a moot point. Fortunately, Wynonna realizes her and Bulshar are linked because Earp curse, which means her and his Tarot card readings would be linked as well.
Back at the Homestead, Nicole and Jeremy try everything imaginable to remove the ring off Waverly’s finger but no such luck. Waverly weirdly feels attached to it, which would make sense as it continues to boomerang back to the Homestead. I know Nicole feels like it’s following her, but it’s best to say it’s been trying to get to Waverly this whole time and Nicole just has a knack of being in the right place at the wrong time (or is it right time?). Jeremy notices a new engraving on the ring and searches in a dictionary for the translation.
Wynonna bursts in with her Tarot card reading. The past is The Devil. The present is The Towers (Bulshar’s future card from 130ish years ago), which means darkness and destruction. That doesn’t sound good. And finally, the future card, The Lovers. Nicole’s “Make-out City” response is gold.
Welcome to the Garden of Paradise
I love the amount of wang/d*ck jokes this season has, but this scene is filled with wang references and an obscene heterosexual sex gesture (the baffled looks on Waverly and Nicole is hilarious). The Lovers card is the first two lovers, Adam and Eve. And the engraving on Waverly’s ring reads “Garden of Paradise” a.k.a. the Garden of Eden, which is the location where the 1st sin was committed.
There’s a lot of biblical references happening right now and as a kid who grew up in the church, I had to stretch my memory back to my Middle School youth group days. Side note: I love the fact that Nicole Follow-the-Rules Haught smoked behind a church in her teenage days. Teenage WynHaught would have been best buds. Anyways, they realize Bulshar must be looking for the garden (my current guess is Gibson greenhouse but seems too obvious); however, Robin pops in and informs them that Bulshar already found the garden. Again, that doesn’t sound good.
She Loves Him But He Loves Her. And She Loves Her Sister and DAughter and Found Family.
Wynonna joins Kate on the Homestead porch. Kate hands over Charlie’s gift basket of breadsticks to Wynonna. Kate continues her Doctessa story. She had hoped when she left, he would chase after her, but he didn’t and so, she came back for him. But by then, Doc had made his deal with Constance and resided at the bottom of a well. Kate confronted her about Doc’s whereabouts but Constance refuses to tell her and frames it like she provided Kate with freedom from him. However, Kate decides to visit creepy Uncle Otto and become a vampire so she can search for Doc for all eternity.
But Wynonna found him and freed him instead. The story here: Kate loves Doc but Doc loves Wynonna. Kate says her goodbye as she plans to leave town, seeing as she returned for Doc but he doesn’t feel the same way about her.
Wynonna, now in the barn, takes a moment before Doc startles her. Wynonna admits she doesn’t like him as a vampire but Doc confesses that he did this for her. For Alice, in case they don’t win this battle during Wynonna’s life. He believes in her, but he also believes they should do this together.
For Alice. Always for her.
I still don’t like Doc’s choice but we’re hitting the final stretch of episodes so the team is going to need all hands on deck. These two need to be on the same page with the same goal in mind: break the curse for Alice. And Wynonna agrees. As Wynonna informs him about Bulshar’s search for the Garden of Eden, the demon himself appears and blows his demon-y dust at them as Wynonna points a white-glowing Peacemaker at him.
Now that’s a new color! Is it specific to only Bulshar since he created the curse? I took a look back in episode 2 when she initially pointed the gun at him and it looks like that was orange, but couldn’t get a clear shot of the gun so there’s a chance it could’ve been white.
Alright Earpers, see you later for another episode of Wynonna Earp this Friday on SyFy at 9 p.m. Eastern!