Midnight, Texas (S02E05) “Drown the Sadness in Chardonnay”

We’re about halfway through season 2, and I’m ready for there to be a little more progress with the Kai situation. (No, I definitely do not consider Manny and Patience hooking up as progress, thankyouverymuch.). After being absent for a few weeks, he’s back tonight, but even so, that was not really the main plot of the episode.

The main plot involved Lem’s decision to have Kai cure him of his vampirism, after seeing Olivia’s dream about being pregnant. He’s human again. Olivia is a bit annoyed that he made this decision without her. Lem is amusingly excited to try a milkshake. (You might want to watch the carbs Lem. Just sayin’.)

The Manny and Patience thing continues, this time in the hotel, only to be interrupted by the death of Sequioa. And even though her ghost is hanging around, someone cut her tongue out so she can’t speak to Manny. Which is…pretty terrible.

You know what else is terrible? Finding out that your BFF is working for your father, and who has the lamest backstory ever. Who seems to be living an easy car ride away. And Olivia and Lem head over there.

If Olivia has lost her BFF, it looks like Fiji may have found one, another witch, who tells her that she’s cursed also, and BTW, Fiji is a dark witch.

Lem and Olivia arrive at her father’s house, which is decorated for Christmas and occupied by an adorable little girl who is Olivia as a child. And her late mother. Looking remarkably lively in a holiday print apron. And, of course, her father, who has learned from spying on Olivia that magic is real and has used it to conjure up the last Christmas before Olivia’s mother died. Now, I am an unapologetic Christmas fanatic. I love every minute of it, and do my best to make the season last as long as possible. But there’s no way all of this isn’t as creepy as hell, and the fake holiday actually makes it more so.

Manny is investigating Sequoia’s death, and figures out that it was Lyric. He struggles with Lyric, and ends up stabbing her right in the eye, which is impressive aim, considering Lyric is invisible.

Fiji is processing the idea that she is dark witch, while also, processing a lot of wine. Celeste tells her she needs to embrace the darkness to break the curse and make it safe to be with Bobo again. She sweetens the pot by returning Bobo to human form temporarily. Damn, there needs to be more naked Bobo. Never enough naked Bobo.

Olivia’s ghost mom is pretty awesome, I have to say. He keeps renewing the spell and she gets caught in it, and wants to stay. Lem, realizing he doesn’t have his powers, has no idea how to save her, and calls Fiji for help, but Philip whacks him over the head.

When he wakes up, he’s cable tied to a dining room chair and Olivia is wearing an ugly Christmas sweater. In a way, that’s the scariest part.

Bobo, Fiji, and Madonna go and save them, and Madonna has just freed Lem when Olivia walks in holding a pie and asking who wants dessert. Nope, I was wrong, THIS is the scariest part.

Fiji’s white magic isn’t strong enough, and so she decides to use dark magic. She realizes that it’s okay if she uses dark magic to help her friends, because she’s a good witch. Yeah, I guess she didn’t watch ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer,’ because if she had, she’d know what happened to Willow.

Philip tells Olivia that he knows she came to kill him and she should, but she decided that leaving him alone with his unhappiness is a far better punishment.

Madonna is loading her car. There’s a sign in the diner that says ‘I’m so sorry.’

Monster energy. That’s Kai’s secret. Lyric found some and drank it, and that’s what made her invisible. And Kai has a stockpile of it hidden in a secret compartment in a jukebox. He unloads some monster energy into a vial and adds it to the others. Manny watches, and Patsy Cline sings.

Other things:
– What was Olivia wearing to sleep in? Crushed velvet PJs? And what is it with people wearing bathrobes in this episode? Do people wear bathrobes that much in real life? Because I’m pretty sure I don’t.
– Would a vampire who was made human again have muscles like a Lem’s? As a vampire he didn’t need work out, his strength was supernatural, so it seems unlikely that he would. Just a thought to ponder. (Why yes, I need to get out more. Why do you ask?)
– Did you know that sequoia is the only word in the English language that uses all five vowels? The more you know…

“We work because you’re a vampire and I’m a really messed up human.”

“I’ve been wanting to try that since the 50s.”

“That’s right dear, drown the sadness in Chardonnay.”