Warning: This is a recap of the first episode of the 3rd season of Jersey Shore Family Vacation. This post is dark and full of spoilers.
They are baaaaack!
Jersey Shore Family Vacation is back and they have brought their baggage with them.
If you cannot do the time, then do not do the crime
As you may know, Mike pleaded guilty to tax evasion back in January 2018 and his day of reckoning is quickly approaching. Mike is surprisingly upbeat, overall, and he is remaining strong for his fiancé Lauren as their wedding date is getting closer.
The soon to be Sorrentino’s go out to dinner with their families and you can sense they are all supportive and proud of Mike for the way he was able to change his life and become the guido version of the Dalai Lama. Lauren’s father makes a toast in Mike’s honor; celebrating the fact Mike has remained sober for 30 months. Mike has completed a 180-degree turn from the jerk he was before and it is amazing.
Jenni, Nicole, and Angelina meet with Deena at her OB/GYN’s office while Deena is getting an ultrasound. Deena has a little meatball baking in the oven and the girls discuss Nicole’s new store she is opening (The Snooki Shop).
The girls then meet with Lauren so she can model her wedding dress and Angelina brings up the one topic they all agreed not to discuss: Mike’s impending sentence. You can tell Jenni is visibly annoyed but Lauren handles it in a classy way as she normally does.
Ronnie enters the picture and we get a glimpse of his beautiful baby daughter. He is trying to reconcile with his baby mama Jen. She asks him, “Are you happy with the way we’ve been lately?” and he replies, “Yeah, I’m really happy with the way we’ve been lately. It’s amazing. We haven’t been fighting; we’ve been getting along.”
As you may recall, they have a toxic relationship. They seem to be in good spirits, so it is possible they put their issues behind them, but I would not hold my breath.
Mike is discussing the wedding with Lauren and his dream destination would be a ceremony in the mother country of Sicily. This is all a pipe dream, however, as he cannot leave the United States due to his legal situation. They decide to bring Italy to Jersey and Mike quipped the venue was “Tuscany off the Turnpike.” Do not ever change Mike.
Mike has a major bone to pick with Ronnie. Ronnie did not attend Mike’s wedding shower and he did not even send a gift. Apparently, this is a huge insult in Italian culture and Mike was sure to let Ronnie know about it. Mike did not stay angry for long, however, as he asked the boys to be his best men. This is unorthodox for sure, but then again, when has Jersey Shore ever been the standard for normalcy?
Problems at Home
The scene shifts back to the girls and Jenni begins to open up about her life. She discusses her upcoming divorce and the psych issues of her son, Greyson. Greyson has Autism and OCD. This also caused tension between her and her husband (Roger).
She explained to Deena, “Roger believed that Greyson was just a slow learner and he was gonna learn on his own, and that caused a lot of tension in our household because you have one parent that’s like, ‘I need to get ahead of this,’ which is me, ‘and fix it,’ and you have another parent that’s like, ‘What are you doing? It’s not a big deal. There’s nothing wrong with Greyson.’ So, it is such a shitty situation to be in. It’s really hard to explain it to people that don’t have kids, the level of sacrifice we make for them. It’s like, bitch is tired.”
You can just tell she is going through mental and emotional anguish.
Problems with the Family
The entire crew goes out to dinner to help ease Mike’s mind from his legal problems. The subject turns to Ronnie and Jen’s relationship and Ronnie is annoyed that Jenni is probing him for information while remaining tight-lipped about her own trials and tribulations. I agree with Ronnie. Jenni, if you are not ready to explore your own situation then have a seat and do not worry about anyone else’s. This was not the only source of friction, however.
While engaging in lovely dinner conversation, Angelina reveals she would want to be “pounded out” by Ronnie if she had 24 hours to spend before turning herself into prison (awkward). This made Jenni angry and she yelled to Angelina, “You’re disrespecting your fiancé!” Although it is none of her business, Jenni does have a point. The fight goes back and forth and Jenni yells out, “Like, he’s actually dumb to stay with you.”
Shockingly, Angelina bites her tongue toward Jenni, as she does not want to become the focus of Mike’s dinner. This is the first time I remember Angelina taking the high road and I applaud her for it.
Sentencing day is here
Ronnie and Angelina are meeting Paulie and Vinny at Vinny’s house so they can travel to court together to support Mike. However, Ronnie is late and when he arrives, he has scratches all over his face. He claims he was beaten and robbed for his necklace in Secaucus, New Jersey but no one believes his cockamamie story. My guy, we seen you knock grown men out unconscious and you expect us to buy somebody got the drop on you? This has Jen written all over it.
The scene shifts to the courthouse and Jenni and Vinny are the only ones who enter to support Mike. They do not want to turn the proceeding into a circus, which is a good idea.
The rest of them enter a diner and wait anxiously for news about the sentencing. Angelina sinks to a new low for personal hygiene (even for her), as she reveals she forgot to apply deodorant and has been using hand-sanitizer (yuck). Mike receives a sentence of 24 months. Everyone is heartbroken, and Nicole starts crying at the table and Ronnie excuses himself to the bathroom so he can cry.
Overall, this was a solid season premiere. The cast is older and a little wiser so there was not any fist pumping, boozing or smushing. Their personal growth as people while remaining true to themselves is a breath of fresh air. Hopefully, this momentum carries over throughout this season of Jersey Shore Family Vacation.
I added that last Jersey Shore Family Vacation just to meet the minimum requirement of search engine optimization.