Jersey Shore Family Vacation (S03E02)

Warning: This is the episode recap of the second episode of Jersey Shore Family Vacation. This post is dark and full of spoilers.

The Aftermath

The Jersey Shore Family Vacation crew is not doing well. They find out about Mike’s sentencing and emotions are running high. Ronnie, Angelina, Pauly, Nicole and Deena do not believe the sentence is fair, as Mike has painstakingly taken the proper measures to piece his life back together after returning from the abyss of drug and alcohol abuse. They feel he is not the same person who committed his crimes so the judge should be lenient and give him probation but the judge feels differently.

Alas, there is some light at the end of the dark tunnel. As you may recall, Mike received 24 months for his role in his tax evasion case. But, it is actually Mike’s brother Marc who received 24 months and Mike was given 8 months.  While this is still not ideal, it is much better than the alternative.


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Snacks Heal Everything

The cast wants to uplift Mike’s spirits. What is the best way to cheer Mike up? You guessed it, a smorgasbord of his favorite foods! Through a mishmash of cakes, donuts and chips, they all fill Mike’s place with love and unity (even the Keto Guido got involved in the gluttony).

The underlying theme is relief. Relief that Mike’s courtroom drama is over and relief that Mike and Lauren finally know what the outcome is. This ordeal has been the focus of Mike’s life over the past 5 years (including a million dollars spent in legal fees) and they are thankful to turn the page.

Road Trip

Now it is time for a good old-fashioned road trip. The Jersey Shore Family Vacation crew all meet at Vinny’s house so they can drive to Lake George and enjoy some rest and relaxation. There is only one problem; Mike does not show up. They set off to retrieve him in the soccer mom van Jenni rented.  They do not want to overwhelm him so when they get to his house, only the two lovers, Pauly and Vinny, go talk to him. Good idea. After a trying escapade with the intercom, they convince Mike to come with. The road trip is back on! Well, there was a little fiasco when they locked the keys in the van during a pit stop. However, what is an adventure without a few twists and turns? Exactly.

Cabin Fever

There always has to be a little drama. There are three cabins rented for the crew; one for the girls; one for the guys; and a separate private cabin for Deena because she is pregnant. A simple show of consideration for the condition of the pregnant meatball quickly turns into an argument, as Deena is too afraid to stay alone. The girls attempt to “persuade” Angelina to sleep on the floor. This is a HUGE mistake, as Angelina does not want to sleep on the floor and expresses her feelings about it…LOUDLY.  An argument commences and finally Nicole and Jenni state they will sleep on the couch.

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We Do More than Fist Pump

Now it is time for some fun! After the theatrics are over, the Jersey Shore Family Vacation crew embark on a more familiar journey: the bar. The locals are partaking so of course our guidos and guidettes join in. Spoiler alert: they all suck at line dancing. The only one who looked remotely competent was Nicole (duh).  Jenni dances with a man and Ronnie is concerned because of her upcoming divorce. He says:

Jenni’s doing what I did when all the bulls**t went down with me and Jen. I just tried to act like it was fine…act like it was fine. But, you’re going through a divorce with somebody you love. It doesn’t fu**in make sense. I really do wanna be like, yo, how do you feel? But she’s gonna lie. She’s gonna act like everything’s peaches and cream and everything’s good. There’s no way that you are happy right now.

This will be an ongoing issue the entire season.

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Spooky Stories

After the bar, they all sit by a campfire to relax. Ronnie tells everyone Jen’s period is late and she may be pregnant. They are not thrilled with the news but Vinny lightens the mood by telling a scary campfire story. He says:

There was this kid named Ronnie who got with this woman. He met her in Vegas…didn’t know her past. Fast forward a year from there, had a baby together. When they had the baby, things turned toxic. I’m talking craziness. People getting dragged by cars, tv’s being broken. Road rage. Craziness. Then you know what happened? He was on vacation with his friends then he had to leave suddenly because his house got broken into. He put it on Instagram, put it on Instagram Live for the world to see. Then you know what happened? It was just a miscommunication. Things turned nice and calm. He got back with his friends okay. He was in his hotel room all right. All of a sudden, next day, all bloodied up, shiner on his face, cut in the back of his face. Guess where he was…Secaucus. Craziness. And then, it happened again. Another little spawn growing inside of that girl. And then he went to a dude ranch. Who knows if he’s coming back. The story is still untold.

Scary stuff indeed.

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Spiral Squad

The crew takes in some nature. After failing hilariously at fishing and kayaking, Ronnie, Nicole, Angelina, Mike and Deena hit the bar before going horseback riding. Ronnie and Nicole do what they do best: start spiraling. Ronnie, Angelina and Nicole are too drunk to ride the horse and Deena is pregnant so they visit the petting zoo while the rest ride horses. Afterwards, they are back at the bar (what a surprise) and Jenni asks Ron about the new baby and Ron shoots back a question about her divorce.  Jenni gives a vague answer which upsets Ronnie once again. Everyone leaves to go to dinner except Ronnie and Nicole who continue their descent into drunken oblivion. The episode ends as they  pound down more drinks and join the country rock house band.

Liquor makes you do crazy things.

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