Jersey Shore Family Vacation (S03E04)

Warning: This is the episode recap of the fourth episode of Jersey Shore Family Vacation. This post is dark and full of spoilers.

If you look up the definition of brooding, you will see a picture of Ronnie at the dude ranch. He is still angered that his relationship is the punchline of the roommates’ jokes. Everyone is pretty much over his attitude as Ron makes no attempt to communicate his feelings. This is a catch 22, however, because Ron does not want to open up as he correctly assumes they will clown him. This whole scene is messy.

ronnie cell phone 300x284 - Jersey Shore Family Vacation (S03E04)

Tuxedos and Two Left Feet

The boys get fitted for tuxedos for Mike’s wedding. Mike also has a little surprise in store for them: a choreographed dance scene.  Mike plans to synchronize a dance routine with his groomsmen as part of the wedding entertainment for Lauren. There is only one problem: these guys have the same amount of dancing ability as Kim K. at a Prince concert.

Vinny claims he was in an off-Broadway show (more like awful Broadway, amirite?). To say these boys are struggling would be an understatement.


Wedding Preparation

Mike and Lauren arrive at their wedding venue to meet with the officiant, DJ, baker and every other Joe Schmo involved in creating their wedding. Vinny seems to be the only one taking the dance routine seriously as he is rehearsing by himself to get prepared. He calls Ron only to discover his phone is disconnected, which is never a good sign.


Ronnie is back on his BS on social media. He posts on his Instagram screenshots of Jen trying to extort $20,000 from him as payment for publicly humiliating her.  He then posts a picture of himself with missing teeth. The assumption is Jen knocked them out. Angelina wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, but all his lying is starting to turn her away from him too. At this point, it is unclear if Ron will attend Mike’s wedding.

Dances and Baby Showers

Ronnie pulls another no-show. His role in the dance routine is in jeopardy. MVP (Mike, Vinny, and Pauly) steps up and they look much better dancing than the pathetic display shown earlier in the episode.

They may actually pull this off.

MVP 300x183 - Jersey Shore Family Vacation (S03E04)

Afterward, they all (except Ronnie) convene at Deena’s house for a baby shower. Instead of cute baby shower games like pin the pacifier on the baby, they play a game called TMI. The Mommy Crew (Jenni and Nicole) discuss the joys of motherhood. And by joy I mean waxing poetic about leaking breasts, overheated crotches and ripped vaginas.

The boys are grossed out.

The crew hands Deena a scrapbook and they all wrote loving words inside (except Ronnie). Deena is in a glass case of emotions as she is happy about the book but angry that Ronnie did not write anything in it.

glass case 300x158 - Jersey Shore Family Vacation (S03E04)

Wedding Rehearsal (Who Needs to Rehearse Anyway?)

The Jersey Shore Family Vacation roomies and the families of Mike and Lauren are at the wedding rehearsal. And in a surprising twist, Ronnie is still missing. But, to his credit, he is just running late and arrives a few minutes later. Pauly and Vinny act weird around him as they have to act like everything is normal for the sake of Mike’s wedding but it is clear everything is NOT normal.

It is pretty freaking far from normal.

If normal was New York, Ronnie’s situation would be Jupiter.

There is nothing some good foods cannot solve, however. After the rehearsal, everyone goes to dinner. Mike does not know if he should live his best life or fit into his tuxedo pants. The Ronnie saga is so toxic, even Deena’s husband Chris talks about it.

And he never talks.

Like ever.

I think Helen Keller is more known for her vocal ability than Chris.

Jersey Shoredown

Ronnie and Pauly meet at Vinny’s house to rehearse their dance. Ron opens up and explains that he feels like him being himself has turned into a joke. Pauly explains that Ronnie is turning the ordeal into a guilt trip on his roommates instead of addressing the elephant in the room: his toxic relationship with Jen. The episode ends as Pauly implores Ronnie to end his relationship with Jen.

This train wreck has no signs of slowing down.